Bittersweet January

Already one month of 2019 behind us. Time really does fly, when you stay busy.

The year started in a melancholic way for me. A lot of memories associated to winter have been resurfacing and I have been missing home quite a lot. Even if family and friends have visited me, being far away is a challenge. Not one that would keep me from living abroad, but still a challenge. Thanks to the internet, even what’s far is fortunately not unreachable, and the knowledge that homesickness is a feeling like others that comes and goes in waves helps. I just need to let it slide. Ride the wave and so on.

Paris is a city with many memories for me as well, both good and bad. Being back here has given me the possibility to do a “rereading” of them and see what’s happened from a different angle. It’s also brought up some difficult times, which didn’t help with the homesickness. Still, it’s pretty therapeutic in the end. It’s important to go through the memory boxes from time to time, learn something about yourself and ease the painful spots.

But at the same time as I’ve been feeling a bit blue, there have been so many exciting things. I have met tons of new people, tied with old friends, traveled or enjoyed the beauty of Paris on weekends. I’ve tried to focus on these to balance with what’s harder, and in most ways, everything is amazing here and I can’t get enough of Paris.

One reason is that I find Paris to be a very stimulating city. A place that gives me the will and energy to do better, be better and outdo myself in a way I haven’t felt anywhere elsewhere. It’s part of why I keep coming back. Now that I’m working five days a week from nine to five, there’s a certain rhythm to my life that I had never had before. Having work and free time clearly separated actually releases a lot of resources that you wouldn’t think you have if there is no clear schedule. So with this time and energy, I have picked up reading again. It used to be a big hobby of mine all my childhood, but I lost it for a long time. Now I finally enjoy reading again and it feels so good. Like finding a piece of myself.

In addition, since I have a piano and someone who can teach me at home, I decided that I wanted to learn the piano in the month I have left in Paris. Of course, Bach will still be turning in his grave from my playing by the end of February, but you have to start somewhere, right? I’m really feeling that this is the right time for learning something new, since I’m inspired and full of energy. Also having a time limit for this makes me want to push harder in order to progress as much as possible. It’s been some time since I really learnt something completely new, and now that I feel so stimulated by it, I’m wondering why I hadn’t decided to learn new skills for so long.

Even with a bit of a bumpy start, January has been pretty good for me, and I have a feeling that February is going to be even better. Even if there are always some ups and downs, I’ve learned to accept and even appreciate them more. They’re what make life interesting and more colourful.


3 thoughts on “Bittersweet January

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